Serenity NOW....

  Yes, I want it NOW and I want it ALL the time. That peaceful feeling that all is right with me and my world.  I have moments of serenity.  I have weeks and sometimes even a month where all is good.  But inevitably it comes crashing down.  Doubts, stress, anxiety and depression.  Life...  Fortunately these days I have more good than bad.  I can take joy in the small things.  Like watching the birds discover my feeders.  Laughing at the cats as they rampage through the house.  Take pride in the fact that I went to the fair by myself.  I didn't enjoy it as much this year but I got out of the house and went anyway.  I am glad I am Awake.  Life is much more interesting these days.  I pay attention more to the things and the people around me. I am a better employee. A better mother? Not so sure about that..still having guilt that I am not there all the time for my kids and that I enjoy(a lot of the time) my time away from them. My dreams are more vivid and my meditations are filled with more energy.  But there are those times that I feel me collapsing and isolating.  This is when I heal, question, lean on, grow....  Not fun but necessary.  Forging ahead..it's what I do best.

I Found My Spot

I spent part of this evening sitting on my deck with a glass of wine.  The potted flowers are so pretty and they smell great.  My lavender is starting to bloom as well as the strawberries.  Even my tomato plants are getting bigger.  I let Bob the cat out with me because I wanted to see how he would do.  He started out in my lap but soon got down.  He immediately focused on the cat statue I have in the corner.  The statue is 2x the size of Bob.  Bob puffed up and inched closer and closer.  Pretty soon he realized that this cat was no threat and turned his interests to the plants on the deck.  But he stayed all fluffy for a long time-just in case.  lol  

I sat for about 45 minutes just watching the birds and listening to the the sounds of the evening.  A female hummingbird stopped by to get a drink.  She flew away so fast that I couldn't follow. I sat and waited for the male to show up but he didn't.  They are pretty birds and their flight is so elegant.  I love watching the hummer battles for the feeders during migration.  They are so protective of their territory. 

My deck is becoming my place for contemplation and serenity.  At least while the weather holds out.  When it gets too hot the A/C will be my serenity spot.  I am glad its there.  I need a spot I can escape to.