Times Have Changed

I have been driving all over Mississippi lately.  My daughter has two summer camp sessions this month.  Back to Back.  She is having a blast being with kids her age and doing the stuff girls like to do.  Especially with no big brother or parents around.  I am truly happy for her.  I want her to enjoy her summers while she can.  To do new things.

On one of my trips back home from dumping her off, I realized what I was doing.  I was driving all over Ms.  Three and a half years ago I was having a panic attack about driving her downtown.  Now I am printing driving directions and relying on signs to tell me that I am on the right path.  WOW...times sure have changed.  I have learned to fear less.  Oh I still get nervous about stuff.  Like leaving my daughter at band camp with a bunch of high school and college kids.  She has since assured me she is having a wonderful time and is in the advanced flute class which she is thrilled about.  I still get angry, stressed, upset, depressed about all sorts of things.  But what has changed is how I handle these situations.  I know that I have friends who have been through what I am going through and will support me no matter what.  But it is up to me to reach out for that support.  And I do that.

Conquering fears has lead to a freedom to discover new things about myself.  Some I like, others not so much.  I like that I can do what ever I want.  I can take trips, walk out of the house without having to justify why and where I am going. spend my money the way I want to, work hard and laugh hard.  I sure hope it doesn't take my daughter 50 years to figure this out.  I am sure I missed out on a lot of life but I am sure enjoying myself now. Most days anyway. Some days I wish work didn't interfere so much with my personal life but hey I have to pay for that some how....  LOL.

Gardening requires Patience

OOO the "P" word.  Patience.  I really do not like this word.  Although during the past 3 1/2 years, I have had a close relationship with this word.  I has seemed that everytime I have wanted something, I have had to wait...be patient.  It wasn't the right time yet.  sigh... But everything has worked out.  Maybe not exactly the way I wanted it to.  The divorce took much longer than I thought it would, I had to pay more money to my ex than I thought I would, I don't have my kids as much as I think I should...etc..etc...

Everything happened this way for a reason.  I wasn't ready to be on my own right away (didn't have a job), I had to split my stock account with my ex (this happened at a low point in the market) and now I have more than made up for it, I have my kids only 50% of the time (God must have known they were teenagers).  etc..etc..

And now I am growing plants. Some I bought already blooming in pots.  Can you say instant gratification?  lol  Others I bought as small tiny plants waiting to be nurtured and some of my plants started out as seeds.  A couple of months have passed and I am seeing some progress.  I have eaten a couple of strawberries, I noticed my tomato plants have grown 2 inches and my lavender now has 2 buds that are barely blooming.  Things are happening slowly. Not all my pots have made progress.  The catnip is being stubborn.  But growth is slow.  Requiring me to have patience and to do the things I need to do to keep them all growing.  Watering, feeding, sunlight and yes sometimes talking to them. 

And it's funny, these are some of the things I need to do for myself so I can keep growing and learning.