Times Have Changed

I have been driving all over Mississippi lately.  My daughter has two summer camp sessions this month.  Back to Back.  She is having a blast being with kids her age and doing the stuff girls like to do.  Especially with no big brother or parents around.  I am truly happy for her.  I want her to enjoy her summers while she can.  To do new things.

On one of my trips back home from dumping her off, I realized what I was doing.  I was driving all over Ms.  Three and a half years ago I was having a panic attack about driving her downtown.  Now I am printing driving directions and relying on signs to tell me that I am on the right path.  WOW...times sure have changed.  I have learned to fear less.  Oh I still get nervous about stuff.  Like leaving my daughter at band camp with a bunch of high school and college kids.  She has since assured me she is having a wonderful time and is in the advanced flute class which she is thrilled about.  I still get angry, stressed, upset, depressed about all sorts of things.  But what has changed is how I handle these situations.  I know that I have friends who have been through what I am going through and will support me no matter what.  But it is up to me to reach out for that support.  And I do that.

Conquering fears has lead to a freedom to discover new things about myself.  Some I like, others not so much.  I like that I can do what ever I want.  I can take trips, walk out of the house without having to justify why and where I am going. spend my money the way I want to, work hard and laugh hard.  I sure hope it doesn't take my daughter 50 years to figure this out.  I am sure I missed out on a lot of life but I am sure enjoying myself now. Most days anyway. Some days I wish work didn't interfere so much with my personal life but hey I have to pay for that some how....  LOL.